Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
