My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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