I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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