i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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