I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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