Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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