He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
