After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
