if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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