If that was your dad, he is hot
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
