WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?