That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.