Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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