how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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