turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
