you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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