Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
