I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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