she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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