I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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