he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize