He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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