you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
