K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
