First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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