is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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