Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
