he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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