phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
