So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
