at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
