I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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