Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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