sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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