Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
