That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka