Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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