When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
