you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize