her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
