pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
