we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
