I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
