True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize