I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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