I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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