Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
