they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
