How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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