He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
