i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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