Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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