Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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