Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
