the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
