One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
soo... how was my night?
My feet surprised me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
