Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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