I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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