he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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