Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
