A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
