Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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