I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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