Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
