I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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