just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
