Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
