I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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