I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
