At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
